I hope his missus hasn't seen this!
Discussion
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&am...
Check this listing out, too late to bid but a good read anyway!
Dario
Check this listing out, too late to bid but a good read anyway!
Dario
niagra said:
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&am...
Check this listing out, too late to bid but a good read anyway!
Dario
i am disliking my work at the moment.Check this listing out, too late to bid but a good read anyway!
Dario
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Doohhhh
niagra said:
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&am...
Check this listing out, too late to bid but a good read anyway!
Dario
..but if you'd checked PH last Saturday you'd have been in with a chanceCheck this listing out, too late to bid but a good read anyway!
Dario
For those at work.
ARSETIN MINI HLE
Hello peeps. Last august i bought myself this mini to " play " with cus my mrs wouldn't let me have a motorbike and a twenty year old nymphomaniac [ my first choice ] was totally out of the question so much so that my mrs said if i mentioned it again she would never again threaten to leave me and she would stay forever !!! so now i keep my gob firmly shut and do exactly as she says which brings me swiftly on to the reason for sale. The wife needs, no sorry, wants, erm no i was right the first time " NEEDS " a facelift and guess who's gotta pay for it? "ME". Now i ask you how selfish can a person be ? i mean like what benefit would i get from her having a face lift other than depending on how tight they pull it she may look like she's enjoying herself during " marital duties " but then again she pulls the same face when she's straining for a pooh ! i suggested i could superglue a cork up her backside and save a lot of money but she didn't much appreciate that suggestion, and then i had a great idea, get the boobs done instead then at least i would have something to play with whilst she was sleeping and they really do need a bit of work, they hang lower than a postmans satchel!. Case in point, a while back i was watching the telly and the dog [the canine one] was asleep in front of the fire and the mrs had gone to have a bath when all of a sudden there was a loud thump and the mrs started shouting so i rushed upstairs with the dog hot on my heels and opened the bathroom door to find the mrs wetter than Bin Ladens turban with her backside firmly in the air and her head wedged down the side of the loo, one boob under her foot and the other slung round the back of her neck like some weird scarf! i didn't know what to do but the dog spied his chance and believe me he knew! i have never seen the old dog move so fast, so there is the poor mrs stuck, screaming and mounted by the heavily panting dog and i am behind him shouting "come rex come" whilst trying to pull him off her and at the same time he is clawing his hind legs at my jogging bottoms which end up round my ankles and THEN our daughter comes home from work and upon hearing all the commotion comes rushing upstairs screams and says she has never seen anything so downright disgusting and threatens to ring the RSPCA!!!!!!! "oh the poor dog" she said! yeah right, he was the only one benefitting from the whole fiasco, i ask ya eh? "the poor dog?" it's now months later and he's still got a strange grin on his face. Indirectly it's our offsprigs fault anyhow cus the mrs had lovely boobs till the kids ate them!. Anyhow it transpires the soppy mrs had trod on one of the afore mentioned mammories when she got out of the bath which caused the "incident" which in hindsight was lucky she landed as she did really cus if she had landed on another "saggy" part of her body we would have had to drag her to the top of the landing before the suction would have let go, that's another area that needs work, looks like a badly packed kebab that does!. So love please "GET THE BOOBS DONE" or at least the one you trod on. Anyhow if you can't get rid of the mental image i deeply appologise but all's well that ends well and the mrs is now fine although she is afraid to turn her back on the dog now and she swears he keeps winking at her and gesturing his head towards the bathroom when i am not home??, strange woman.
BODYWORK
Started out life as a mini 1000 hle in yellow and at some time in it's life was obviously painted orange and the log book was updated accordingly. The bodywork can best be described as tidy for the year [unlike the wife] but does have some minor scabs [much like the wife] in the normal mini places but all easily repaired with a little "cosmetic" surgery and the front wings have been modified at some point to accomodate 13x7s [the wife's bra had the same work done too] all of which i can send pics of if required [not the wifes bra though cus that would just be indecent and anyhow the kids next door, all 9 of them, are currently camping in it but please note when we get it back i do accept paypal if that's what floats your boat].Which reminds me, i asked my mrs the other day why is it that the "popular" woman next door has had 9 kids and she don't seem to have the "boob" trouble? and she replied "maybe so but look at her face she's not as pretty as me" i replied granted but that's only cus her face has been shot over more times than Baghdad!. The underside of the car has been cleaned off and resealed with a protective coating, the front floors have had plates welded in to them in the past and was quite a tidy job when done and still look solid so that also has been cleaned up and resealed. The boot floor has had a repair panel to the offside rear [rear? there's that word again] and the rest looks ok, the rear [arghhhh] subframe looks to have been replaced at some point and is solid and as above has been cleaned and sealed. The sills look and feel solid [oh sweet mamories] although they have been undersealed in the past quite heavily so i left them alone and just cleaned and resealed them. The doors have a few small scabs to the lower edges but are solid enough and the bottoms are ok [there's that image again].
MECHANICALS
Now this is where the money has been spent both by previous owners and Joe muggings here, adjustable spax gas shocks all round which keep things nice and even and no sagging here [ unlike the mrs ], rose jointed adjustable bottom arms [ bottom? oh no] , adjustable heavy duty tie rods [wife could do with some of those], solid front subframe mounts [solid, front, oh distant memories], grooved and drilled front discs, minifins on the rear [i must stop saying that word]. Now then, about three weeks ago it started to develop an awfull knockers sorry knocking noise from it's bottom end, so under digress i stuck my head into it's undercarriage and saw sights that no man nor beast should ever encounter [bad idea to keep the lights on] so i thought bugger this i'm going have a look at that mini engine!!! upside though i found the dogs collar, well i think it was the dogs collar anyway. The mini developed a severe knock from the engine a few weeks back so it was whipped out and stripped to investigate and it was found to have major issues in the crankshaft area so a replacement engine and gearbox were sourced from a good running but scrap 68000 mile mini 35 1275cc and was treated to new mains, thrust washers, big ends, hores boned, eh what do you mean i spelt it wrong? oh yeah, oops! sorry bores honed, piston rings, clutch and obviously all gaskets and seals were renewed, it was then treated to a coat of paint and re fitted so now runs sweet. The car starts, stops and goes round corners just as it should do.
INTERIOR
It's got Cobra bucket seats fitted to the original mounts and slide forwards and backwards with ease but they do make it a little difficult to get into the back if you are erm how can we say ? erm ?? fat, yeah that's the word but on the plus side it does have a full pull back sunroof so you can just pull the roof back and launch the kids in [headfirst i found the best option]. The interior is in quite good nick with the odd wear marks here and there the worst part being the seats have lots of very tiny burn marks which look like they were caused by grinding sparks at some point in their life, the sunroof does not leak and works fine although there are a few "stiletto" heel marks in the headlining but further damage is easily prevented by opening the rear windows [or so i am advised] www.dogging.com/mini.
THE SERIOUS BIT
Ok now joking apart the car is a good little car ripe for some minor improvements in the future, it only has a short m.o.t and tax valid untill the end of may but i don't foresee any major problems getting it through another m.o.t but i plain and simple just don't have the time to spend on it and i am not looking for stupid money for it after all. In an ideal world i would have had the minor bodywork issues addressed and resprayed, the roof looks to have been painted over the previous shiny black paint without any prep work being carried out and hence the top coat has flaked off in places but is not that noticeable because as mentioned it is still shiny black underneath. The speedo reads less than 30000 miles but due to no history and now an engine change and it is fitted with a centre binnacle which is not original i can in no way confirm the actual mileage the car has travelled so the car is sold as mileage unknown. I like to try and make my auctions fun to read and to make the whole ebay experience more enjoyable but if i have managed to offend anyone in any way by the way i have worded my listing please accept my sincere apollogies [but i do think you need to get out more]. True reason for sale is this is my lads car and he has upgraded to another "sportier" mini as in picture 12.
TERMS OF SALE
Payment on this item is strictly cash on collection only with a non refundable £100 deposit payable via paypal at auction end, NO and i mean NO overseas bidders whatsoever please, been there, done that and it cost me dearly. No bidders whith less than 10 positive feedback without prior authorisation from myself or i will cancel the bid and block any further bids made by the person. The car is sold on a SOLD AS SEEN basis and NO warranty or guarantees of any kind are implied or given. PLEASE PLEASE if at all possible come and view the car prior to bidding or if to far away email me for more specific pics. The logbook still states 998cc but the car is now fitted with a 1275cc so it will be the winning bidders responsibility to rectify the v5 with the correct engine details. If you bid blind and win you have bought it for the winning bid, if you try to haggle you will be asked politely to leave and the sale will not take place, YOU BID, YOU WIN, YOU PAY, NO EXCUSES. Please bear in mind this car will no longer be insured at auction end so it is up to you to obtain the correct cover prior to collection or the car must be trailored or taken away on trade plates.
THE END BIT
Many thanks for looking and reading, good luck to all who choose to bid and any Qs just email me or text and i will do my best to answer. Bry 07876 178 296 10am till 11-30pm. Gotta go now cus the mrs wants a bath and the dog has got his lipstick out," Rex you bad dog, leave her alone!!". OH LORDY!!!!!!
On 06-May-11 at 15:33:13 BST, seller added the following information:
Ok quick poll.... hands up all of you who clicked the link on the listing......... come on don't be shy....... you randy lot!!!!
On 07-May-11 at 21:48:43 BST, seller added the following information:
My mrs has decided that if we can't afford the "boob" job she would like me to buy her something which she can make go 0 to 60 in less than 5 seconds........................ so if anyone has any bathroom scales for sale please let me know. Ta.
On 08-May-11 at 12:47:45 BST, seller added the following information:
Just to inform you all i received a bid retraction from the high bidder this morning with the lame excuse "cannot contact the seller"????, phone number on the listing seems to work for every one else!, the bidder has made no contact with me whatsoever so exactly what his "problem" is your guess is as good as mine. I've also received two text messages asking if the bidder viewed the car and then cancelled the bid and i can assure you this is NOT the case, it just appears this is yet another of the growing amount of idiots using ebay for "fun" and i will endeavor to find out where he lives and take the dog round there and this time there will be NO LUBRICATION!. Ok rant over, annoyed but still smiling. Bry.
On 10-May-11 at 23:45:40 BST, seller added the following information:
Come on guys get some bids in cus the mrs is getting a little bit upset now thinking she won't be able to get "them" done, i have done my bit to try and cheer her up this evening by buying her a takeaway [4 bigmacs and fries] and getting a "chick flick" dvd [no that's not lesbian porn] and all was going well untill part way through the film i needed a wee wee and all i said was "right I'm off to syphon the python" and she replied "yeah right, manipulate the maggot more like!"....i said nothing cus i am used to it now and went to do what i had to do and returned to the sofa for a "cuddle", twenty minutes later the mrs pipes up "right i'm off to wet my lettuce in a minute"..."lettuce?" i said, "if that's your lettuce love i'd be going now cus when i last saw it there was a kin huge hedgehog down there munching on it!!"............i'm on the sofa tonight!
On 11-May-11 at 15:28:19 BST, seller added the following information:
Bit of an update. Took the mrs to see the gynecologist / cosmetic surgeon geezer today r.e the "lettuce", after the initial examination and then the retrieval of his wrist watch the gynee geezer........ { Dr C.L. ITORRES}..... don't know if you know him?, nice bloke, strange blister on the palm of his right hand and strokes his mustache with the tips of his fingers quite a lot?...... anyhow he reckons the "chuff" is easily repaired with the aid of some garden shears and superglue at minimal cost!!.....so not all bad news eh?
ARSETIN MINI HLE
Hello peeps. Last august i bought myself this mini to " play " with cus my mrs wouldn't let me have a motorbike and a twenty year old nymphomaniac [ my first choice ] was totally out of the question so much so that my mrs said if i mentioned it again she would never again threaten to leave me and she would stay forever !!! so now i keep my gob firmly shut and do exactly as she says which brings me swiftly on to the reason for sale. The wife needs, no sorry, wants, erm no i was right the first time " NEEDS " a facelift and guess who's gotta pay for it? "ME". Now i ask you how selfish can a person be ? i mean like what benefit would i get from her having a face lift other than depending on how tight they pull it she may look like she's enjoying herself during " marital duties " but then again she pulls the same face when she's straining for a pooh ! i suggested i could superglue a cork up her backside and save a lot of money but she didn't much appreciate that suggestion, and then i had a great idea, get the boobs done instead then at least i would have something to play with whilst she was sleeping and they really do need a bit of work, they hang lower than a postmans satchel!. Case in point, a while back i was watching the telly and the dog [the canine one] was asleep in front of the fire and the mrs had gone to have a bath when all of a sudden there was a loud thump and the mrs started shouting so i rushed upstairs with the dog hot on my heels and opened the bathroom door to find the mrs wetter than Bin Ladens turban with her backside firmly in the air and her head wedged down the side of the loo, one boob under her foot and the other slung round the back of her neck like some weird scarf! i didn't know what to do but the dog spied his chance and believe me he knew! i have never seen the old dog move so fast, so there is the poor mrs stuck, screaming and mounted by the heavily panting dog and i am behind him shouting "come rex come" whilst trying to pull him off her and at the same time he is clawing his hind legs at my jogging bottoms which end up round my ankles and THEN our daughter comes home from work and upon hearing all the commotion comes rushing upstairs screams and says she has never seen anything so downright disgusting and threatens to ring the RSPCA!!!!!!! "oh the poor dog" she said! yeah right, he was the only one benefitting from the whole fiasco, i ask ya eh? "the poor dog?" it's now months later and he's still got a strange grin on his face. Indirectly it's our offsprigs fault anyhow cus the mrs had lovely boobs till the kids ate them!. Anyhow it transpires the soppy mrs had trod on one of the afore mentioned mammories when she got out of the bath which caused the "incident" which in hindsight was lucky she landed as she did really cus if she had landed on another "saggy" part of her body we would have had to drag her to the top of the landing before the suction would have let go, that's another area that needs work, looks like a badly packed kebab that does!. So love please "GET THE BOOBS DONE" or at least the one you trod on. Anyhow if you can't get rid of the mental image i deeply appologise but all's well that ends well and the mrs is now fine although she is afraid to turn her back on the dog now and she swears he keeps winking at her and gesturing his head towards the bathroom when i am not home??, strange woman.
BODYWORK
Started out life as a mini 1000 hle in yellow and at some time in it's life was obviously painted orange and the log book was updated accordingly. The bodywork can best be described as tidy for the year [unlike the wife] but does have some minor scabs [much like the wife] in the normal mini places but all easily repaired with a little "cosmetic" surgery and the front wings have been modified at some point to accomodate 13x7s [the wife's bra had the same work done too] all of which i can send pics of if required [not the wifes bra though cus that would just be indecent and anyhow the kids next door, all 9 of them, are currently camping in it but please note when we get it back i do accept paypal if that's what floats your boat].Which reminds me, i asked my mrs the other day why is it that the "popular" woman next door has had 9 kids and she don't seem to have the "boob" trouble? and she replied "maybe so but look at her face she's not as pretty as me" i replied granted but that's only cus her face has been shot over more times than Baghdad!. The underside of the car has been cleaned off and resealed with a protective coating, the front floors have had plates welded in to them in the past and was quite a tidy job when done and still look solid so that also has been cleaned up and resealed. The boot floor has had a repair panel to the offside rear [rear? there's that word again] and the rest looks ok, the rear [arghhhh] subframe looks to have been replaced at some point and is solid and as above has been cleaned and sealed. The sills look and feel solid [oh sweet mamories] although they have been undersealed in the past quite heavily so i left them alone and just cleaned and resealed them. The doors have a few small scabs to the lower edges but are solid enough and the bottoms are ok [there's that image again].
MECHANICALS
Now this is where the money has been spent both by previous owners and Joe muggings here, adjustable spax gas shocks all round which keep things nice and even and no sagging here [ unlike the mrs ], rose jointed adjustable bottom arms [ bottom? oh no] , adjustable heavy duty tie rods [wife could do with some of those], solid front subframe mounts [solid, front, oh distant memories], grooved and drilled front discs, minifins on the rear [i must stop saying that word]. Now then, about three weeks ago it started to develop an awfull knockers sorry knocking noise from it's bottom end, so under digress i stuck my head into it's undercarriage and saw sights that no man nor beast should ever encounter [bad idea to keep the lights on] so i thought bugger this i'm going have a look at that mini engine!!! upside though i found the dogs collar, well i think it was the dogs collar anyway. The mini developed a severe knock from the engine a few weeks back so it was whipped out and stripped to investigate and it was found to have major issues in the crankshaft area so a replacement engine and gearbox were sourced from a good running but scrap 68000 mile mini 35 1275cc and was treated to new mains, thrust washers, big ends, hores boned, eh what do you mean i spelt it wrong? oh yeah, oops! sorry bores honed, piston rings, clutch and obviously all gaskets and seals were renewed, it was then treated to a coat of paint and re fitted so now runs sweet. The car starts, stops and goes round corners just as it should do.
INTERIOR
It's got Cobra bucket seats fitted to the original mounts and slide forwards and backwards with ease but they do make it a little difficult to get into the back if you are erm how can we say ? erm ?? fat, yeah that's the word but on the plus side it does have a full pull back sunroof so you can just pull the roof back and launch the kids in [headfirst i found the best option]. The interior is in quite good nick with the odd wear marks here and there the worst part being the seats have lots of very tiny burn marks which look like they were caused by grinding sparks at some point in their life, the sunroof does not leak and works fine although there are a few "stiletto" heel marks in the headlining but further damage is easily prevented by opening the rear windows [or so i am advised] www.dogging.com/mini.
THE SERIOUS BIT
Ok now joking apart the car is a good little car ripe for some minor improvements in the future, it only has a short m.o.t and tax valid untill the end of may but i don't foresee any major problems getting it through another m.o.t but i plain and simple just don't have the time to spend on it and i am not looking for stupid money for it after all. In an ideal world i would have had the minor bodywork issues addressed and resprayed, the roof looks to have been painted over the previous shiny black paint without any prep work being carried out and hence the top coat has flaked off in places but is not that noticeable because as mentioned it is still shiny black underneath. The speedo reads less than 30000 miles but due to no history and now an engine change and it is fitted with a centre binnacle which is not original i can in no way confirm the actual mileage the car has travelled so the car is sold as mileage unknown. I like to try and make my auctions fun to read and to make the whole ebay experience more enjoyable but if i have managed to offend anyone in any way by the way i have worded my listing please accept my sincere apollogies [but i do think you need to get out more]. True reason for sale is this is my lads car and he has upgraded to another "sportier" mini as in picture 12.
TERMS OF SALE
Payment on this item is strictly cash on collection only with a non refundable £100 deposit payable via paypal at auction end, NO and i mean NO overseas bidders whatsoever please, been there, done that and it cost me dearly. No bidders whith less than 10 positive feedback without prior authorisation from myself or i will cancel the bid and block any further bids made by the person. The car is sold on a SOLD AS SEEN basis and NO warranty or guarantees of any kind are implied or given. PLEASE PLEASE if at all possible come and view the car prior to bidding or if to far away email me for more specific pics. The logbook still states 998cc but the car is now fitted with a 1275cc so it will be the winning bidders responsibility to rectify the v5 with the correct engine details. If you bid blind and win you have bought it for the winning bid, if you try to haggle you will be asked politely to leave and the sale will not take place, YOU BID, YOU WIN, YOU PAY, NO EXCUSES. Please bear in mind this car will no longer be insured at auction end so it is up to you to obtain the correct cover prior to collection or the car must be trailored or taken away on trade plates.
THE END BIT
Many thanks for looking and reading, good luck to all who choose to bid and any Qs just email me or text and i will do my best to answer. Bry 07876 178 296 10am till 11-30pm. Gotta go now cus the mrs wants a bath and the dog has got his lipstick out," Rex you bad dog, leave her alone!!". OH LORDY!!!!!!
On 06-May-11 at 15:33:13 BST, seller added the following information:
Ok quick poll.... hands up all of you who clicked the link on the listing......... come on don't be shy....... you randy lot!!!!
On 07-May-11 at 21:48:43 BST, seller added the following information:
My mrs has decided that if we can't afford the "boob" job she would like me to buy her something which she can make go 0 to 60 in less than 5 seconds........................ so if anyone has any bathroom scales for sale please let me know. Ta.
On 08-May-11 at 12:47:45 BST, seller added the following information:
Just to inform you all i received a bid retraction from the high bidder this morning with the lame excuse "cannot contact the seller"????, phone number on the listing seems to work for every one else!, the bidder has made no contact with me whatsoever so exactly what his "problem" is your guess is as good as mine. I've also received two text messages asking if the bidder viewed the car and then cancelled the bid and i can assure you this is NOT the case, it just appears this is yet another of the growing amount of idiots using ebay for "fun" and i will endeavor to find out where he lives and take the dog round there and this time there will be NO LUBRICATION!. Ok rant over, annoyed but still smiling. Bry.
On 10-May-11 at 23:45:40 BST, seller added the following information:
Come on guys get some bids in cus the mrs is getting a little bit upset now thinking she won't be able to get "them" done, i have done my bit to try and cheer her up this evening by buying her a takeaway [4 bigmacs and fries] and getting a "chick flick" dvd [no that's not lesbian porn] and all was going well untill part way through the film i needed a wee wee and all i said was "right I'm off to syphon the python" and she replied "yeah right, manipulate the maggot more like!"....i said nothing cus i am used to it now and went to do what i had to do and returned to the sofa for a "cuddle", twenty minutes later the mrs pipes up "right i'm off to wet my lettuce in a minute"..."lettuce?" i said, "if that's your lettuce love i'd be going now cus when i last saw it there was a kin huge hedgehog down there munching on it!!"............i'm on the sofa tonight!
On 11-May-11 at 15:28:19 BST, seller added the following information:
Bit of an update. Took the mrs to see the gynecologist / cosmetic surgeon geezer today r.e the "lettuce", after the initial examination and then the retrieval of his wrist watch the gynee geezer........ { Dr C.L. ITORRES}..... don't know if you know him?, nice bloke, strange blister on the palm of his right hand and strokes his mustache with the tips of his fingers quite a lot?...... anyhow he reckons the "chuff" is easily repaired with the aid of some garden shears and superglue at minimal cost!!.....so not all bad news eh?
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