Dealing with a homesick wife in Oz.
Discussion
We've been here almost 2 months now and whilst the first few weeks were easy without having to go to work, living in a holiday rental 50m from the sea etc. Reality has sunk in now for Mrs. 200bhp that she's living on the other side of the world from her friends and family, particularly her parents who she's always been very close with.
Her father has just been diagnosed with emphacema (its a lung desease caused by 40 years of smoking) and it's unlikely that he'll ever be able to visit us.
In the two years leading up to the move, everyone was concerned that she'd feel this way and regularly asked her if she was OK with the move. It was my one really big worry about the whole thing and my mother-in-law was/is very concerned too.
So did any of you have similar issues when you first arrived?
Her father has just been diagnosed with emphacema (its a lung desease caused by 40 years of smoking) and it's unlikely that he'll ever be able to visit us.
In the two years leading up to the move, everyone was concerned that she'd feel this way and regularly asked her if she was OK with the move. It was my one really big worry about the whole thing and my mother-in-law was/is very concerned too.
So did any of you have similar issues when you first arrived?
Long time ago, but tthe same as you when we moved out there soon after getting married. Wife at the time never really got over missing her mum and never really keyed into Oz or I'd likely still be there. This was before the Internet though, especially Skype and the like. We use an open Skype line between our offices to try and recreate chance meetings. It's important for her to see that she isn't losing too much of her past family life, plus she gains with new friends and lifestyle. A job too if she's able.
It's quite common, so much so that whenever I've hired people from abroad I've rarely worried about them but taken a great deal of care to ensure their partner is happy.
It's quite common, so much so that whenever I've hired people from abroad I've rarely worried about them but taken a great deal of care to ensure their partner is happy.
Yup. I can massively relate.
A few months before we moved, the FIL had a suspected heart attack (it wasn't, it was calcification of the heart instead. Like that's any better). The FIL and MIL basically told us to go anyway.
They are still able to travel though, and came over for 6 weeks last Xmas and are here for 6 weeks this Xmas.
The wife still misses her friends (I miss mine too, but it's different being a bloke) and to be honest has only started finding her feet now (18 months in). This is down to her seeing a lot of an old female friend of mine. We also got a dog so that's kinda made our family.
What age are you guys? We are in our mid 30's so have really stopped the 'clubbing every weekend' thing, but we don't have kids (or want them) so we don't have that school parents network either. Most people by this age have their circle of friends and are not really open to new commers. Especially girls who can be b
hy and cliquey (we have experience of that too).
In the UK I'd buy a car and join an owners club to socialise (or similar), but here a car as a toy is a big investment and it's not the same 'drive to a country pub' atmosphere.
We've just bought a house (move in on Monday) so Mrs Bibbs must feel a bit more settled to invest.
It's hard work, but you need to find her a good girly mate to moan to and then you are fine.
Let me know if we can help (apart from moving house and having in-laws over for 6 weeks, we've nothing on
). Xmas might be a bad time for you both.
A few months before we moved, the FIL had a suspected heart attack (it wasn't, it was calcification of the heart instead. Like that's any better). The FIL and MIL basically told us to go anyway.
They are still able to travel though, and came over for 6 weeks last Xmas and are here for 6 weeks this Xmas.
The wife still misses her friends (I miss mine too, but it's different being a bloke) and to be honest has only started finding her feet now (18 months in). This is down to her seeing a lot of an old female friend of mine. We also got a dog so that's kinda made our family.
What age are you guys? We are in our mid 30's so have really stopped the 'clubbing every weekend' thing, but we don't have kids (or want them) so we don't have that school parents network either. Most people by this age have their circle of friends and are not really open to new commers. Especially girls who can be b
hy and cliquey (we have experience of that too).In the UK I'd buy a car and join an owners club to socialise (or similar), but here a car as a toy is a big investment and it's not the same 'drive to a country pub' atmosphere.
We've just bought a house (move in on Monday) so Mrs Bibbs must feel a bit more settled to invest.
It's hard work, but you need to find her a good girly mate to moan to and then you are fine.
Let me know if we can help (apart from moving house and having in-laws over for 6 weeks, we've nothing on
). Xmas might be a bad time for you both.Edited by Bibbs on Tuesday 23 October 06:13
This can be a real problem, with no one answer suiting all.
In the mid 60s I had a Dutchman working for me in admin. He was a good worker, & a nice bloke. We included him & his wife in the occasional staff social activities, but apparently she did not mix much otherwise. People need to put in real effort to become part of a social scene. Try getting involved in a club in an area that really interests her.
They went "back home" as she had become so miserable. They [she] had forgotten how hard things were back there then. After about 4 months of home, with lousy income, & poor prospects compared to Oz, she wrote to me, asking for his job back.
No problem, I could use him, & back they came, but after a year or so, it was on again, & once again they returned "home". This time when she wrote I was not prepared to help.
The old one about happy wife, happy life is kind of true, but it should be unhappy wife, unhappy life, as this is definitely true. If she has it bad you should not wait too long to make a decision, but then you must stick with it. Too much mucking around will damage your prospects both here & there.
I have a daughter who's been in Darwin, a 4 hour flight, for 5 months. She & her mother can barely go a month without a visit by one or the other, so I see your problem up close. Good luck with it.
In the mid 60s I had a Dutchman working for me in admin. He was a good worker, & a nice bloke. We included him & his wife in the occasional staff social activities, but apparently she did not mix much otherwise. People need to put in real effort to become part of a social scene. Try getting involved in a club in an area that really interests her.
They went "back home" as she had become so miserable. They [she] had forgotten how hard things were back there then. After about 4 months of home, with lousy income, & poor prospects compared to Oz, she wrote to me, asking for his job back.
No problem, I could use him, & back they came, but after a year or so, it was on again, & once again they returned "home". This time when she wrote I was not prepared to help.
The old one about happy wife, happy life is kind of true, but it should be unhappy wife, unhappy life, as this is definitely true. If she has it bad you should not wait too long to make a decision, but then you must stick with it. Too much mucking around will damage your prospects both here & there.
I have a daughter who's been in Darwin, a 4 hour flight, for 5 months. She & her mother can barely go a month without a visit by one or the other, so I see your problem up close. Good luck with it.
I don't have this issue exactly but can sympathise and maybe offer some advice.
To start with my wife is Aussie. That makes it much easier for me. she wanted to come here more than me in fact. I am sort of easy going and being a bloke up for anything really but close to my family and friends from home and I miss them.
2 Months in the missus and I had some big fights, which is not normal for us. We sat down and had a serious chat, which is difficult to do as the missus will avoid this sort of thing at all costs and feels bad about taking me away from my family! If I'm honest I probably was annoyed at several things, job not quite what I hoped for, prospects in career path dented by smaller market and momentum knocked by move, more expensive living costs and to top if off the car market here! She was not seeing her Brisbane family as much as she thought she would, also finding things expensive and really missing her UK friends more than she thought. It was seriously effecting our experience here. We just decided to try and recognise it as early exuberance wearing off and reality setting in and not take it out on each other. We also decided we needed to do something about it....ie give it a really good go and if no good we had the option to go back to the UK with no regrets. Wife joined a bootcamp fitness thing that a friend who lived in Sydney did and we socialised where we could, I got stuck into a few things and started making some friends.
1 year on we have a rock solid small group of friends and we do loads of stuff together. Honestly this is what has made my time here. I have been involved in more, had more opportunities to do fun stuff, wife is happier and fitter than ever with her stuff.
The short version of advice is your missus needs to try to make as many friends as she can and say yes to invites even if it doesn't sound like her cup of tea. When she finds people she really connects with (and she will with an open mind) get stuck in. None of the things she is worried about go away, I still miss my family, but I have loads of fun and call and skype etc a lot...its just my conversations are filled with the fun things we have been up to rather than what we are or have been missing.
2 months is nothing but its also the point when reality sets in a bit....give it a bit more time and get stuck in. That way whatever happens you won't regret what ever decision you make. Probably has not helped that everyone has been on at her and basically put in her head that she is going to be unhappy...
Where abouts are you based?
To start with my wife is Aussie. That makes it much easier for me. she wanted to come here more than me in fact. I am sort of easy going and being a bloke up for anything really but close to my family and friends from home and I miss them.
2 Months in the missus and I had some big fights, which is not normal for us. We sat down and had a serious chat, which is difficult to do as the missus will avoid this sort of thing at all costs and feels bad about taking me away from my family! If I'm honest I probably was annoyed at several things, job not quite what I hoped for, prospects in career path dented by smaller market and momentum knocked by move, more expensive living costs and to top if off the car market here! She was not seeing her Brisbane family as much as she thought she would, also finding things expensive and really missing her UK friends more than she thought. It was seriously effecting our experience here. We just decided to try and recognise it as early exuberance wearing off and reality setting in and not take it out on each other. We also decided we needed to do something about it....ie give it a really good go and if no good we had the option to go back to the UK with no regrets. Wife joined a bootcamp fitness thing that a friend who lived in Sydney did and we socialised where we could, I got stuck into a few things and started making some friends.
1 year on we have a rock solid small group of friends and we do loads of stuff together. Honestly this is what has made my time here. I have been involved in more, had more opportunities to do fun stuff, wife is happier and fitter than ever with her stuff.
The short version of advice is your missus needs to try to make as many friends as she can and say yes to invites even if it doesn't sound like her cup of tea. When she finds people she really connects with (and she will with an open mind) get stuck in. None of the things she is worried about go away, I still miss my family, but I have loads of fun and call and skype etc a lot...its just my conversations are filled with the fun things we have been up to rather than what we are or have been missing.
2 months is nothing but its also the point when reality sets in a bit....give it a bit more time and get stuck in. That way whatever happens you won't regret what ever decision you make. Probably has not helped that everyone has been on at her and basically put in her head that she is going to be unhappy...
Where abouts are you based?
Thanks for all the useful replies - They echo what I'd read ages ago about the main reason for people returning to the UK being an unhappy wife.
I'm hoping she'll feel better in the new year when our dog arrives from the UK, we dont have children and he's the third member of our little family unit.
We've had some issues in the past, as most couples do, but back then the Mother-in-law was always there to tell the OH that she was being silly and smooth things over (obviously, none of the issues were my fault
)
PommyGranite - I did think for a moment last week that it could do the same to mine. I've not come all this way to turn around and go back again.
I'm hoping she'll feel better in the new year when our dog arrives from the UK, we dont have children and he's the third member of our little family unit.
We've had some issues in the past, as most couples do, but back then the Mother-in-law was always there to tell the OH that she was being silly and smooth things over (obviously, none of the issues were my fault
)PommyGranite - I did think for a moment last week that it could do the same to mine. I've not come all this way to turn around and go back again.
doesnt get any better - after nearly four years we are heading back due to her being too homesick. She has no intention of remaining here (as it stands) and I do. therefor we are heading back next year after birth of our 1st child and see how things pan out. When the reality sets back in (no money/ crap weather/ only white English people in town) I think she will change her mind again. I dont want to go back at all
james280779 said:
doesnt get any better - after nearly four years we are heading back due to her being too homesick. She has no intention of remaining here (as it stands) and I do. therefor we are heading back next year after birth of our 1st child and see how things pan out. When the reality sets back in (no money/ crap weather/ only white English people in town) I think she will change her mind again. I dont want to go back at all
So what car are you buying, to own 12 months and then export back here? Hi,
I have seen this same behaviour with a number of my friends, move over here, wife gets homesick, so they move back to the UK, and all of them have then realised within 18 months they made the wrong choice, and moved back to Australia, costing many $000's in flights, shipping etc.
Stick it out, the grass here is definitely greener!!!
I have seen this same behaviour with a number of my friends, move over here, wife gets homesick, so they move back to the UK, and all of them have then realised within 18 months they made the wrong choice, and moved back to Australia, costing many $000's in flights, shipping etc.
Stick it out, the grass here is definitely greener!!!
Decent jobs don't grow on trees. Hack it til you have a solid offer from back home. I have been thousands of kms from where I want to be, and am waiting til retirement to go back, which should be in 5 years. I have no friends here after 14 years, run a business by myself, and don't like anything about where I live (not true, I like the airport); it's still my own country, but doesn't feel like it. BUT I am earning a good salary, and I don't take that for granted. My wife is from this area and likes it well enough. I just make sure I go home twice a year, if I can, and console myself by saying how hard others have it, and that I am actually a lucky person.
I'll get murdered if she finds this thread but never mind!
My wife does sometimes find it difficult to make new friends - Mainly because she's not into gossiping and two-faced bhiness. When we were back in the UK she had just a couple of friends who took a few years to find. Meanwhile her colleagues had loads of "friends" who my wife would hear slagging each other off behind their backs at the first opportunity.
We see threads on here (in the lounge) about women being "mental" and as much as it drives us men mad, it makes it difficult for some of the more "normal" women too.
Part of the reason that we came here was so that my wife diddnt have to go to work if she diddnt want to. Luckily my occupation allows us to do this comfortably. She's spent 10 years working in the bhy world of clerical/admin in the UK and had simply had enough of it all!
The flip side of this is that until the dog arrives, she's got no company at home during the day and very little to do at least until the container arrives in a couple of weeks. The whole stay-at-home thing hasnt really been as great as she was expecting, partly due to boredom and partly due to the deaf old woman next door having the TV on all day whilst making loud telephone calls to her friends - Just a few feet from out lounge.
When her stuff arrives and she can spend the day doing arty things, baking and decorating cake setc. she'll be able to fill her time a lot more effectivly.
These are all things that, if we'd moved elsewhere in the UK, would be ignored and before long we wouldnt even notice. Being away from everything is a real problem.
My wife does sometimes find it difficult to make new friends - Mainly because she's not into gossiping and two-faced b
hiness. When we were back in the UK she had just a couple of friends who took a few years to find. Meanwhile her colleagues had loads of "friends" who my wife would hear slagging each other off behind their backs at the first opportunity.We see threads on here (in the lounge) about women being "mental" and as much as it drives us men mad, it makes it difficult for some of the more "normal" women too.
Part of the reason that we came here was so that my wife diddnt have to go to work if she diddnt want to. Luckily my occupation allows us to do this comfortably. She's spent 10 years working in the b
hy world of clerical/admin in the UK and had simply had enough of it all!The flip side of this is that until the dog arrives, she's got no company at home during the day and very little to do at least until the container arrives in a couple of weeks. The whole stay-at-home thing hasnt really been as great as she was expecting, partly due to boredom and partly due to the deaf old woman next door having the TV on all day whilst making loud telephone calls to her friends - Just a few feet from out lounge.
When her stuff arrives and she can spend the day doing arty things, baking and decorating cake setc. she'll be able to fill her time a lot more effectivly.
These are all things that, if we'd moved elsewhere in the UK, would be ignored and before long we wouldnt even notice. Being away from everything is a real problem.
I am supposed to have rage quit PH but I could not help but be nosy and then I saw this thread...
Honestly, the best thing your wife can do is to just let go. She is not here living her life in Australia and she is not in the UK living her life there, she is in limbo trying to live in two places with two lifestyles and that just does not mesh.
The most miserable ex-pats I encounter are those that do two trips a year, spend every other night on the net talking about what they left behind and trying to continue their traditions and exact way of life when they are here. They still call the previous country 'home' and treat Australia like it is the place they have to be in between trips 'home'. They constantly compare life here to life in their last country. Time to move on!
There has to be an acceptance that you lose some friends, I have been in Perth 8 years now and of all the friends I had in the UK I have two that have bothered to keep in touch all this time. Even then it is only a few text messages, occasional emails and watching each others stbook. All the people who promised to keep in touch faded away surprisingly quickly.
I do not really keep in touch with aunties, uncles, cousins etc. To many to keep track of and they don't really care anyway I should think.
I talk to my parents every 4-6 weeks. They would like it to be daily I am sure but they just have to deal with the fact I am living my own life on the other side of the world now.
Aussies are a great social lot that love the easy life. Everyone assumes you are a good bloke unless your prove otherwise and everyone is willing to be friends with each other...but nobody is going to come knocking on your door asking.
Your wife probably needs to get a job even if it is just a couple of days a week. If she is not planning on working she should jump in the car and get out sight seeing and chatting to people, if she just stays at home she will get bored and feel like she is missing out. Maybe she could join one of the many walking / running / cycling clubs in Perth? They always take routes along the river or beaches and stop for brekkie.
Perth can be a tough city to crack, your really have to push yourself to find your niche here. I promise there is so much going on here that you will both enjoy but you have to search for it, stuff is not always advertised well or as obvious as it is in the UK.
I know it is hard moving countries but you really just have to let go and treat this like a new start and get on with building your new life. Leave the old one behind.
Honestly, the best thing your wife can do is to just let go. She is not here living her life in Australia and she is not in the UK living her life there, she is in limbo trying to live in two places with two lifestyles and that just does not mesh.
The most miserable ex-pats I encounter are those that do two trips a year, spend every other night on the net talking about what they left behind and trying to continue their traditions and exact way of life when they are here. They still call the previous country 'home' and treat Australia like it is the place they have to be in between trips 'home'. They constantly compare life here to life in their last country. Time to move on!
There has to be an acceptance that you lose some friends, I have been in Perth 8 years now and of all the friends I had in the UK I have two that have bothered to keep in touch all this time. Even then it is only a few text messages, occasional emails and watching each others s
tbook. All the people who promised to keep in touch faded away surprisingly quickly.I do not really keep in touch with aunties, uncles, cousins etc. To many to keep track of and they don't really care anyway I should think.
I talk to my parents every 4-6 weeks. They would like it to be daily I am sure but they just have to deal with the fact I am living my own life on the other side of the world now.
Aussies are a great social lot that love the easy life. Everyone assumes you are a good bloke unless your prove otherwise and everyone is willing to be friends with each other...but nobody is going to come knocking on your door asking.
Your wife probably needs to get a job even if it is just a couple of days a week. If she is not planning on working she should jump in the car and get out sight seeing and chatting to people, if she just stays at home she will get bored and feel like she is missing out. Maybe she could join one of the many walking / running / cycling clubs in Perth? They always take routes along the river or beaches and stop for brekkie.
Perth can be a tough city to crack, your really have to push yourself to find your niche here. I promise there is so much going on here that you will both enjoy but you have to search for it, stuff is not always advertised well or as obvious as it is in the UK.
I know it is hard moving countries but you really just have to let go and treat this like a new start and get on with building your new life. Leave the old one behind.
I know what you are going through, best advise I can give is for her to get out and start socializing or get a part time job, do something to keep the mind occupied, whilst it's nice not having to work for a while soon gets boring especially if you have no one to do stuff with.
Where abouts are you based?
Where abouts are you based?
ausforumdeviant said:
I am supposed to have rage quit PH but I could not help but be nosy and then I saw this thread...
Honestly, the best thing your wife can do is to just let go. She is not here living her life in Australia and she is not in the UK living her life there, she is in limbo trying to live in two places with two lifestyles and that just does not mesh.
The most miserable ex-pats I encounter are those that do two trips a year, spend every other night on the net talking about what they left behind and trying to continue their traditions and exact way of life when they are here. They still call the previous country 'home' and treat Australia like it is the place they have to be in between trips 'home'. They constantly compare life here to life in their last country. Time to move on!
There has to be an acceptance that you lose some friends, I have been in Perth 8 years now and of all the friends I had in the UK I have two that have bothered to keep in touch all this time. Even then it is only a few text messages, occasional emails and watching each others stbook. All the people who promised to keep in touch faded away surprisingly quickly.
I do not really keep in touch with aunties, uncles, cousins etc. To many to keep track of and they don't really care anyway I should think.
I talk to my parents every 4-6 weeks. They would like it to be daily I am sure but they just have to deal with the fact I am living my own life on the other side of the world now.
Aussies are a great social lot that love the easy life. Everyone assumes you are a good bloke unless your prove otherwise and everyone is willing to be friends with each other...but nobody is going to come knocking on your door asking.
Your wife probably needs to get a job even if it is just a couple of days a week. If she is not planning on working she should jump in the car and get out sight seeing and chatting to people, if she just stays at home she will get bored and feel like she is missing out. Maybe she could join one of the many walking / running / cycling clubs in Perth? They always take routes along the river or beaches and stop for brekkie.
Perth can be a tough city to crack, your really have to push yourself to find your niche here. I promise there is so much going on here that you will both enjoy but you have to search for it, stuff is not always advertised well or as obvious as it is in the UK.
I know it is hard moving countries but you really just have to let go and treat this like a new start and get on with building your new life. Leave the old one behind.
Honestly, the best thing your wife can do is to just let go. She is not here living her life in Australia and she is not in the UK living her life there, she is in limbo trying to live in two places with two lifestyles and that just does not mesh.
The most miserable ex-pats I encounter are those that do two trips a year, spend every other night on the net talking about what they left behind and trying to continue their traditions and exact way of life when they are here. They still call the previous country 'home' and treat Australia like it is the place they have to be in between trips 'home'. They constantly compare life here to life in their last country. Time to move on!
There has to be an acceptance that you lose some friends, I have been in Perth 8 years now and of all the friends I had in the UK I have two that have bothered to keep in touch all this time. Even then it is only a few text messages, occasional emails and watching each others s
tbook. All the people who promised to keep in touch faded away surprisingly quickly.I do not really keep in touch with aunties, uncles, cousins etc. To many to keep track of and they don't really care anyway I should think.
I talk to my parents every 4-6 weeks. They would like it to be daily I am sure but they just have to deal with the fact I am living my own life on the other side of the world now.
Aussies are a great social lot that love the easy life. Everyone assumes you are a good bloke unless your prove otherwise and everyone is willing to be friends with each other...but nobody is going to come knocking on your door asking.
Your wife probably needs to get a job even if it is just a couple of days a week. If she is not planning on working she should jump in the car and get out sight seeing and chatting to people, if she just stays at home she will get bored and feel like she is missing out. Maybe she could join one of the many walking / running / cycling clubs in Perth? They always take routes along the river or beaches and stop for brekkie.
Perth can be a tough city to crack, your really have to push yourself to find your niche here. I promise there is so much going on here that you will both enjoy but you have to search for it, stuff is not always advertised well or as obvious as it is in the UK.
I know it is hard moving countries but you really just have to let go and treat this like a new start and get on with building your new life. Leave the old one behind.
this. 100%There really is a repeating pattern to this subject, unfortunately I'm no different!
Blokes seem to be able to detach from the uk and grab the ozzy life, we just get on with it. But the female side seem to keep a hold of the uk, family and friends. Rose colored specs come out, and then they forget why they left in the first place.
All I can suggest is to get your wife working, even if not for the money, but social interaction with fellow collegues,my wife has found friendships with people she would never have met before and seems to talk less about going to the uk.... Although she could just be biting her tougne!!!!!
Hell, l've even made friends with some From pistonheads, although they are a lower class, you have to try.....
All the best, embrace the life, she may even enjoy it, just stop looking back!!!!
Blokes seem to be able to detach from the uk and grab the ozzy life, we just get on with it. But the female side seem to keep a hold of the uk, family and friends. Rose colored specs come out, and then they forget why they left in the first place.
All I can suggest is to get your wife working, even if not for the money, but social interaction with fellow collegues,my wife has found friendships with people she would never have met before and seems to talk less about going to the uk.... Although she could just be biting her tougne!!!!!
Hell, l've even made friends with some From pistonheads, although they are a lower class, you have to try.....
All the best, embrace the life, she may even enjoy it, just stop looking back!!!!
Edited by toomuchbeer on Friday 26th October 10:13
It can get rather messy.
A pommy mate of mine, came to Oz at 16 years of age. Did well, married an Oz girl, & had 2 kids, a girl & a boy.
His mother complained about having to come to Oz to see her grand kids.
Daughter went to the UK for a years visit at 21. Married a pom, & stayed.
My mates wife complains at having to go to the UK to see her grand kids. He doesn't give a damn about too much except his horse & cattle stud.
Isn't it a nuisance the two countries are so far apart.
A pommy mate of mine, came to Oz at 16 years of age. Did well, married an Oz girl, & had 2 kids, a girl & a boy.
His mother complained about having to come to Oz to see her grand kids.
Daughter went to the UK for a years visit at 21. Married a pom, & stayed.
My mates wife complains at having to go to the UK to see her grand kids. He doesn't give a damn about too much except his horse & cattle stud.
Isn't it a nuisance the two countries are so far apart.
It sounds like your wife has a brain between her ears and a good attitude. Suggest a part time/full time job in a different industry than where she has been. There is plenty of work here in Perth and she is sure to find something that suits her. It will give her a focus for the day rather than waiting for you to get home or to dwell on being homesick.
Alternatively make it clear to her that you want to stay in Oz and send her back to the UK for a holiday. The choice will then be missing her parents or missing you. Either way it will force her to decide where her priority lies.
Not an easy situation either way but not insurmountable provided you keep talking to each other through the process.
Neil
Alternatively make it clear to her that you want to stay in Oz and send her back to the UK for a holiday. The choice will then be missing her parents or missing you. Either way it will force her to decide where her priority lies.
Not an easy situation either way but not insurmountable provided you keep talking to each other through the process.
Neil
200bhp said:
We've been here almost 2 months now and whilst the first few weeks were easy without having to go to work, living in a holiday rental 50m from the sea etc. Reality has sunk in now for Mrs. 200bhp that she's living on the other side of the world from her friends and family, particularly her parents who she's always been very close with.
Her father has just been diagnosed with emphacema (its a lung desease caused by 40 years of smoking) and it's unlikely that he'll ever be able to visit us.
In the two years leading up to the move, everyone was concerned that she'd feel this way and regularly asked her if she was OK with the move. It was my one really big worry about the whole thing and my mother-in-law was/is very concerned too.
So did any of you have similar issues when you first arrived?
I'm having the opposite problem. We live 200 yrds from my sister in law, 1/2 mile from brother in law, and 1 mile from wife's childhood home. Her father has just been diagnosed with emphacema (its a lung desease caused by 40 years of smoking) and it's unlikely that he'll ever be able to visit us.
In the two years leading up to the move, everyone was concerned that she'd feel this way and regularly asked her if she was OK with the move. It was my one really big worry about the whole thing and my mother-in-law was/is very concerned too.
So did any of you have similar issues when you first arrived?
We have lived 12 years of our married life else where, but never more than 3 hours away.
My wife knows we are stiffled by family, but needs to be near her parents, as they get older, despite the fact that we'd both like to live somewhere else. For us somewhere else would be 3 hours not 2 days away, but I can relate to the issue.
Anyway my ideas:
1) the 3 year rule. If you still want to go back after 3 years we will. 3 years is JUST enough to put down roots.
2) Book a 3 week return trip back at least once a year, so that she has something to plan and look forward to.
3) When her dad dies, build a granny flat for mother.
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