Tongue in Cheek..Of Course!!!!!
Discussion
Essex was devasted in the early hours of this morning by an unprecedented major earthquake, with its epicentre just outside Basildon, and measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale.
Victims were seen wandering through barely-recognisable streets muttering "feckin' 'ell".
The earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30.25 worth of damage.
Several collections of mementos from the Balearics were damaged beyond
repair.
Quantities of gold-plated jewellery were reported to have disappeared into cracks that opened up in the earth.
Three areas of historic burnt-out cars were disturbed.
Locals told news reporters of their distress.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17-year-old mother of 5, said
"It was such a shock. My little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. Our Sky dish had been crushed by a telephone pole, and we had to go next door to watch telly. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy at lunchtime."
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help stricken locals, but say that there is still an urgent requirement for more food and clothing. "The people are in desperate need of Fray Bentos pies and microwaveable cheeseburgers," a representative told journalists.
"We are also appealing to members of the public to send in Burberry baseball caps and white socks - whatever they can spare."
Rescue workers have been working to find bodies amongst the rubble, and have already saved many lives.
Earlier this morning a six-year old girl was pulled from the wreckage of a white van, covered in blood but still alive.
Ambulance crews asked the girl where she was bleeding from. "ROMFORD," the girl is reported to have said, "Woss it gotta do wiv you?"
...//P//
Victims were seen wandering through barely-recognisable streets muttering "feckin' 'ell".
The earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately £30.25 worth of damage.
Several collections of mementos from the Balearics were damaged beyond
repair.
Quantities of gold-plated jewellery were reported to have disappeared into cracks that opened up in the earth.
Three areas of historic burnt-out cars were disturbed.
Locals told news reporters of their distress.
One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 17-year-old mother of 5, said
"It was such a shock. My little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. Our Sky dish had been crushed by a telephone pole, and we had to go next door to watch telly. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy at lunchtime."
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help stricken locals, but say that there is still an urgent requirement for more food and clothing. "The people are in desperate need of Fray Bentos pies and microwaveable cheeseburgers," a representative told journalists.
"We are also appealing to members of the public to send in Burberry baseball caps and white socks - whatever they can spare."
Rescue workers have been working to find bodies amongst the rubble, and have already saved many lives.
Earlier this morning a six-year old girl was pulled from the wreckage of a white van, covered in blood but still alive.
Ambulance crews asked the girl where she was bleeding from. "ROMFORD," the girl is reported to have said, "Woss it gotta do wiv you?"
...//P// 
yellow peril said:
Ian......yes..I will be there!
Cerb....will a loud 4.5 yellow one with colour coded wheels do....Mine is for sale
I do have a Chim on the database. 450 in silver.
Will bring details tomorrow.
Debs........
Larry Grayson mode on
You Are Awful!!!!!!!
Larry Grayson mode off
Thanks Pauline, one of the guys looking for the Chim may be coming in his 4 litre Chim unless he goes to Kerridges. If not I`ll take the details
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