50/50 custody, maintenance question
Discussion
Quick version: If I share custody exactly 50/50 with my ex, do I still have to pay child maintenance?
Longer version: I have a 4 year old daughter with my ex partner, relations between us are cordial at best but could be much worse. She’s 9-5, I’m on shifts. Our arrangement has been that over a 14 day period, I have my daughter for 7 nights, so essentially 50/50 however due to work we have had childcare costs to cover. I’ve always paid her slightly more each month in maintenance (if the website says £137, I pay £140 etc), and this has covered those costs plus a bit more, I’ve never asked for proof of what it goes on as frankly I’m not fussed as she’s a great mum.
Now my daughter is at school, there’s a fussy combo of times I’ll take her in/drop off, times she’ll get the bus, times she’ll be in school for wraparound care and so on. To make life easier, my ex has suggested we move to a week on/week off approach, which sounds fine to me. However this will then mean I will have a huge increase in childcare costs (as in I’ll have some!), and hers will increase slightly. However, the total cost of childcare will decrease.
I’ve suggested that as it’s going to be true 50/50, and we pay for our own childcare, that I stop paying her maintenance and use this money to pay for my side of childcare, and then I will top up her side so she doesn’t pay any more either. This leaves me better off and her no worse off, whilst making things more straightforward for our daughter. She disagrees, and still wants the full maintenance money each month which I won’t be able to afford along with the new childcare costs I’ll have. From a legal POV, am I still required to pay her maintenance in this situation? Our wages are broadly similar, however she has a council house and I’m in private rented so in spare money terms each month it’s not far off being the same.
I appreciate any input, and I will of course speak to a professional before making any rash decisions! I would just like an idea of where I stand.
Longer version: I have a 4 year old daughter with my ex partner, relations between us are cordial at best but could be much worse. She’s 9-5, I’m on shifts. Our arrangement has been that over a 14 day period, I have my daughter for 7 nights, so essentially 50/50 however due to work we have had childcare costs to cover. I’ve always paid her slightly more each month in maintenance (if the website says £137, I pay £140 etc), and this has covered those costs plus a bit more, I’ve never asked for proof of what it goes on as frankly I’m not fussed as she’s a great mum.
Now my daughter is at school, there’s a fussy combo of times I’ll take her in/drop off, times she’ll get the bus, times she’ll be in school for wraparound care and so on. To make life easier, my ex has suggested we move to a week on/week off approach, which sounds fine to me. However this will then mean I will have a huge increase in childcare costs (as in I’ll have some!), and hers will increase slightly. However, the total cost of childcare will decrease.
I’ve suggested that as it’s going to be true 50/50, and we pay for our own childcare, that I stop paying her maintenance and use this money to pay for my side of childcare, and then I will top up her side so she doesn’t pay any more either. This leaves me better off and her no worse off, whilst making things more straightforward for our daughter. She disagrees, and still wants the full maintenance money each month which I won’t be able to afford along with the new childcare costs I’ll have. From a legal POV, am I still required to pay her maintenance in this situation? Our wages are broadly similar, however she has a council house and I’m in private rented so in spare money terms each month it’s not far off being the same.
I appreciate any input, and I will of course speak to a professional before making any rash decisions! I would just like an idea of where I stand.
Child maintenance is typically calculated on the time you don't have the child so if you both share equally (measured in nights), there is no child maintenance to pay. Saying that though, there are a lot of "running costs" with children and it's worth having an agreement to cover that and if one of you is earning more, it might be that that split is adjusted to reflect it.
As with all these sort of situations, professionals are worth their fees
Chris
As with all these sort of situations, professionals are worth their fees
Chris
Firstly appreciate this is tricky to navigate so hopefully you are not too stressed!
CSA seems to say that if its 50/50 arrangements then its equal share on their guidance. So it might be worth working back from there as they are a body who can get pulled into this by the other parent.
Otherwise I agree that other costs are well worth writing down in agreement.
I paid despite having 50/50 and it was only recently the site said dont need to if its equal.
CSA seems to say that if its 50/50 arrangements then its equal share on their guidance. So it might be worth working back from there as they are a body who can get pulled into this by the other parent.
Otherwise I agree that other costs are well worth writing down in agreement.
I paid despite having 50/50 and it was only recently the site said dont need to if its equal.
Some great replies so far, thank you!
In answer to a couple of questions, all her stuff is again 50/50, so she has equal amounts of school clothing/toys/food at both houses. Where her mum has bought some specific stuff to be shared (like a branded school jumper), I’ve paid half the cost without being asked as it seemed the right thing to do. In terms of school trips or stuff to bring in, again I’d happily share that cost in half with zero issue.
The biggest problem I have is that she will only engage by text, even though I see her at pickups/drop offs and she will engage cordially (that word again!). I suspect when this gets raised again she’ll become very aggressive and unhelpful, even if I’m (in my eyes, admittedly) trying to be as fair as possible about it. For context, my daughters next birthday falls on my weekend to have her, and I’ve asked the ex what she wanted to do for a party for her but was told that I have to do my thing and she’ll do her own. So basically saying she won’t even spend time with her daughter on her birthday as it means I’ll be there too, which I find really sad as there’s no hatred at all between us. She sees it as two separate families, whereas I want my daughter to have some memories of mummy and daddy doing stuff with her together. More context, it was the ex that binned me off and not for any other reason than compatibility (so I didn’t cheat on her or anything, far from it I was head over heels in love with her).
My friends, both male and female, agree that I shouldn’t have to pay anything but I don’t want the ex to be short of money cos of this, hence offering to pay the top up on her extra childcare costs.
In answer to a couple of questions, all her stuff is again 50/50, so she has equal amounts of school clothing/toys/food at both houses. Where her mum has bought some specific stuff to be shared (like a branded school jumper), I’ve paid half the cost without being asked as it seemed the right thing to do. In terms of school trips or stuff to bring in, again I’d happily share that cost in half with zero issue.
The biggest problem I have is that she will only engage by text, even though I see her at pickups/drop offs and she will engage cordially (that word again!). I suspect when this gets raised again she’ll become very aggressive and unhelpful, even if I’m (in my eyes, admittedly) trying to be as fair as possible about it. For context, my daughters next birthday falls on my weekend to have her, and I’ve asked the ex what she wanted to do for a party for her but was told that I have to do my thing and she’ll do her own. So basically saying she won’t even spend time with her daughter on her birthday as it means I’ll be there too, which I find really sad as there’s no hatred at all between us. She sees it as two separate families, whereas I want my daughter to have some memories of mummy and daddy doing stuff with her together. More context, it was the ex that binned me off and not for any other reason than compatibility (so I didn’t cheat on her or anything, far from it I was head over heels in love with her).
My friends, both male and female, agree that I shouldn’t have to pay anything but I don’t want the ex to be short of money cos of this, hence offering to pay the top up on her extra childcare costs.
I'd imagine the calculation on the website would show you owe her nothing if you put in that you share equal custody, and have your child with you exactly 50% of the time.
She can say whatever she wants, but legally she can't do anything and would likely find herself in hot water if she withheld your ability to see your child.
She can say whatever she wants, but legally she can't do anything and would likely find herself in hot water if she withheld your ability to see your child.
Realistically she can’t stop me seeing her simply because that would put all the childcare back on her, and I know she wouldn’t be able to afford that so I’m less concerned about her withdrawing access than I am putting my daughter in a situation where she has one parent incredibly hostile towards another. Worst case scenario we stay as we are in terms of access, I’d see my little girl just as much as I do now (more or less) and pay exactly the same.
The idea of week on/week off is to make life simpler for my daughter, but can also save us both money which makes it a win/win if she agrees to be sensible.
The idea of week on/week off is to make life simpler for my daughter, but can also save us both money which makes it a win/win if she agrees to be sensible.
pavarotti1980 said:
Interestingly the child maintenance calculator still says that you should be paying £190 a month despite ticking the box for 50/50 split. How does that work?...
From the gov page: https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenanceYou will not have anything to pay through the Child Maintenance Service if you are:
sharing care equally with the other parent
a full-time student with no income
in prison
Guessing the calculator assumes you won't be using it if these apply...
Chris
pavarotti1980 said:
Interestingly the child maintenance calculator still says that you should be paying £190 a month despite ticking the box for 50/50 split. How does that work?...
Income is also to be taken into account 50/50 custody rarely means both parties pay nothing. What do you think the outcome would be with both working, one with a menial job with salary to match and one on 60k?I can only speak from experience of a colleague.
He was earning vastly more than his now-ex-wife, but because he took their children on a 50/50 arrangement, had to pay no child maintenance.
When his ex found out about this (subsequent to agreeing 50/50 custody) she went ballistic but, nothing she could do.
However, like all things family, be careful. Courts often (though not always) side with the mother and you really don't want the expense and hassle of this being unamicable.
I would strive to find an arrangement with your ex, even if it includes you paying a small amount (although less than now) to keep the situation sweet.
He was earning vastly more than his now-ex-wife, but because he took their children on a 50/50 arrangement, had to pay no child maintenance.
When his ex found out about this (subsequent to agreeing 50/50 custody) she went ballistic but, nothing she could do.
However, like all things family, be careful. Courts often (though not always) side with the mother and you really don't want the expense and hassle of this being unamicable.
I would strive to find an arrangement with your ex, even if it includes you paying a small amount (although less than now) to keep the situation sweet.
martinbiz said:
Income is also to be taken into account 50/50 custody rarely means both parties pay nothing. What do you think the outcome would be with both working, one with a menial job with salary to match and one on 60k?
I think you're wrong on this. If 50 50 then legally payment isn't required. Different perhaps if marriage played a part and a settlement was made. If I’ve understood you’re still going to be paying the same childcare costs between you but now she won’t pay hardly any and you’ll pay more. Overall between you it’ll stay the same.
She must be thinking well that’s your problem cus that’s your time but it seems like when it was possible she would have to pay more she wanted you to help out with the maintenance.
For me just explain that situation to her nicely in a message and ask her if that seems fair. Once you have a clear understanding of her position you can decide what to do.
She must be thinking well that’s your problem cus that’s your time but it seems like when it was possible she would have to pay more she wanted you to help out with the maintenance.
For me just explain that situation to her nicely in a message and ask her if that seems fair. Once you have a clear understanding of her position you can decide what to do.
Cold said:
Can we presume that the mother is in receipt of the Child Benefit payments?
Correct, she’s gets all the benefits as that’s where my daughter did have her main residence from birth. I too would much prefer a simple sit down chat, but after 5 years of me asking for one and her refusal I can’t see that happening. I’m willing to pay my fair share and then cover her off too so she pays no more than what she is now, but I simply can’t afford to pay my childcare costs as well as hers.
Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff