Friday afternoon - Funny Cop Jokes :-)
Discussion
Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Stuck under a bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
The Wino
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one
foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
Going to a lecture
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.
The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Stuck under a bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
The Wino
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one
foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."
Going to a lecture
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman.
"What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife." said the man.
Bloke stopped for doing 55 in a 30.
He gets out of the car, runs back to plod and says:
"Officer, Officer!! Thank god I've found you - I've got a dose of diahorreah and I'm trying to find a sh
thouse !!!
Plod says:
"You've found one lad - lets have your name and address"
(The old ones are the best .......)
He gets out of the car, runs back to plod and says:
"Officer, Officer!! Thank god I've found you - I've got a dose of diahorreah and I'm trying to find a sh
thouse !!! Plod says:
"You've found one lad - lets have your name and address"
(The old ones are the best .......)
A row of accused sitting in the waiting room of the local court house awaiting their speeding cases calling. A newsflash comes over the radio
"There's been an almighty traffic jam at the docks. A traffic police Vauxhall Omega has crashed into the docks and two officers are believed drowned."
One accused look to the room and announces "That's a crying shame." The fellow beside him chips in "You're right, an Omega can hold five !"
"There's been an almighty traffic jam at the docks. A traffic police Vauxhall Omega has crashed into the docks and two officers are believed drowned."
One accused look to the room and announces "That's a crying shame." The fellow beside him chips in "You're right, an Omega can hold five !"
in a smiliar vein...
Blue flashing lights appear in the rea view mirror of Johns new motor....he immediately panics and sticks his foot down to speed away. Sanity returns a few minutes later and he thinks to himself "what the hell am I doing?". So he pulls in, stops the car and gets out to face the cop.
The cop walks to the car and says "Listen sonny, it's been a long hard day, if you can give me a decent reason for the idiocy you just pulled I'll say no more about it"
Well says John, thinking fast, "my wife ran away with a copper last week, I thought you might be bringing her back!"
Blue flashing lights appear in the rea view mirror of Johns new motor....he immediately panics and sticks his foot down to speed away. Sanity returns a few minutes later and he thinks to himself "what the hell am I doing?". So he pulls in, stops the car and gets out to face the cop.
The cop walks to the car and says "Listen sonny, it's been a long hard day, if you can give me a decent reason for the idiocy you just pulled I'll say no more about it"
Well says John, thinking fast, "my wife ran away with a copper last week, I thought you might be bringing her back!"
Police pull a gentleman over, with his wife in the car. The conversation goes as follows
Policeman: Good evening sir. I notice that you appear to be missing a rear number plate
Man: Really officer. It must have fallen off during my journey. Thankyou for pointing it out, I shall replace it as soon as possible.
Wife: What are you talking about man. You took it off so the speed cameras wouldn't get you....
M: (shut you silly mare)
P: I also noticed that you were veering accross to the opposite side of the carrageway...
M: Ah, yes. I had some grit in my eye. I probably should have stopped. I will should it happen again.
W: Eh? You say 'Watch me try and get the tail out round this corner....
M: (Oh for the love of god just keep your big trap shut woman)
P: In addition to this, I also noticed you were exceeding the speed limit....
M: Was I officer. I was simply keeping up with traffic....
W: What? You were wringing the poor cars neck to see how fast she would go
M: WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU STUPID BITCH....
P: Does he always talk to you like that madam?
W: Nah, only after about 8 pints.....
Policeman: Good evening sir. I notice that you appear to be missing a rear number plate
Man: Really officer. It must have fallen off during my journey. Thankyou for pointing it out, I shall replace it as soon as possible.
Wife: What are you talking about man. You took it off so the speed cameras wouldn't get you....
M: (shut you silly mare)
P: I also noticed that you were veering accross to the opposite side of the carrageway...
M: Ah, yes. I had some grit in my eye. I probably should have stopped. I will should it happen again.
W: Eh? You say 'Watch me try and get the tail out round this corner....
M: (Oh for the love of god just keep your big trap shut woman)
P: In addition to this, I also noticed you were exceeding the speed limit....
M: Was I officer. I was simply keeping up with traffic....
W: What? You were wringing the poor cars neck to see how fast she would go
M: WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU STUPID BITCH....
P: Does he always talk to you like that madam?
W: Nah, only after about 8 pints.....
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