Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 11)

[Ultra Sound Guy]

Few people know that the Chuckle Brothers had some sheep which were over 6' tall. They included a 2 metre ewe.

[MartG]

[EmailAddress]

MartG said:

Pretty much accidentally made that myself every time I had to access my E39s battery as it's recessed in a space about the same dimensions as the spanner

[Legacywr]

EmailAddress said:

MartG said:

Pretty much accidentally made that myself every time I had to access my E39s battery as it's recessed in a space about the same dimensions as the spanner

Going back 40 years, I can remember the battery testers we used to use…

[motco]

Legacywr said:

EmailAddress said:

MartG said:

Pretty much accidentally made that myself every time I had to access my E39s battery as it's recessed in a space about the same dimensions as the spanner

Going back 40 years, I can remember the battery testers we used to use…

I have one that has a short length of what amounts to a cooker ring element which gets very hot during the test and there's a voltage readout that has to hold up for fifteen or so seconds. Bought it only a couple of years ago.

[Legacywr]

motco said:

Legacywr said:

EmailAddress said:

MartG said:

Pretty much accidentally made that myself every time I had to access my E39s battery as it's recessed in a space about the same dimensions as the spanner

Going back 40 years, I can remember the battery testers we used to use…

I have one that has a short length of what amounts to a cooker ring element which gets very hot during the test and there's a voltage readout that has to hold up for fifteen or so seconds. Bought it only a couple of years ago.

One of these…

[motco]

Legacywr said:

One of these…

Ah, you've sparked a memory there! A chum's dad had a used car outlet in my local parade of shops when I was a schoolboy and I recall seeing him use one of those just as you show. Mine is exactly the same in principle but rather less dangerous.

[Legacywr]

motco said:

Legacywr said:

One of these…

Ah, you've sparked a memory there! A chum's dad had a used car outlet in my local parade of shops when I was a schoolboy and I recall seeing him use one of those just as you show. Mine is exactly the same in principle but rather less dangerous.

Have you ever witnessed a battery explode?…

[Ponpiman]

grumpy52 said:

We were so poor when I was a teenager if I didn't wake up with an erection on Christmas morning I had nothing to play with !

we were so poor we had to jerk off the dog just to feed the cat

[Monkeylegend]

Ponpiman said:

grumpy52 said:

We were so poor when I was a teenager if I didn't wake up with an erection on Christmas morning I had nothing to play with !

we were so poor we had to jerk off the dog just to feed the cat

We were so poor when it was cold my father would eat a pack of extra strong mints and we would sit round his tongue to keep warm.

[Pistom]

Monkeylegend said:

We were so poor when it was cold my father would eat a pack of extra strong mints and we would sit round his tongue to keep warm.

Aaaah - so you were posh then!

Sitting around a tongue - we used to dream of that!!!

[CammyN]

Pistom said:

Monkeylegend said:

We were so poor when it was cold my father would eat a pack of extra strong mints and we would sit round his tongue to keep warm.

Aaaah - so you were posh then!

Sitting around a tongue - we used to dream of that!!!

Dreams!

We couldn't afford dreams.

[Super Sonic]

CammyN said:

Dreams!

We couldn't afford dreams.

W cldnt ffrd vwls.

[EmailAddress]

Had to go to the hospital for a routine operation the other day.

While I was parking up, saw a sign that said Thieves operate in this area.

Who knew, always presumed it was Surgeons.

[EmailAddress]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

[Still Mulling]

EmailAddress said:

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

[thegreenhell]

[cobra kid]

Legacywr said:

One of these…

I used one for a few years in a chain of shops I worked in, in the late 90's. Always scary feeling the heat build up.

[motco]

Legacywr said:

motco said:

Legacywr said:

One of these…

Ah, you've sparked a memory there! A chum's dad had a used car outlet in my local parade of shops when I was a schoolboy and I recall seeing him use one of those just as you show. Mine is exactly the same in principle but rather less dangerous.

Have you ever witnessed a battery explode?…

Not a lead acid car battery, no, but a couple of NiCd 7.2v stacks from burglar alarm bell boxes. A puny effort in comparison to a large wet accumulator I imagine.

[Voldemort]

Someone wrote 'retard' on my car window last night.

Took me fking ages to lick it off.